What Is Heaven?
I was debating of writing this particular blog. For various reasons. I think, first because it is very personal. Second, I realized I am not good with vulnerability.
Anyways, let's do this. Let's go personal and be vulnerable. :)
About 7 years ago, I woke up with backaches. I never have backaches, so I found it very odd. I figured I would just go about my day and assumed it will go away as my day goes on. We, my husband and I, were big into Rock Climbing and we decided to try it anyways, despite my back pain. So we went, and I could not climb, I was in such pain. We decided to go back home and I announced that I will rest for a bit. That literally never happens, especially not at noon!
Still in great pain, I laid down and immediately found myself in this weird between state. I wasn't sleeping, but I wasn't awake either. It felt safe, so I decided to just go with the flow and see what happens.
I found myself inside an airport. And this woman was welcoming me. She looked familiar, but honestly I could not place her. I listened to what she had to say. She informed me, that she is happy to see me, and that I must go thought the glass door and visit the building ahead. She repeated that over and over. I listened and decided to slowly follow her advice, so I moved towards the glass door. But before I did that, I looked at the woman that just welcomed me and realized she had only one shoe on, and the socks did not match. That totally drew me off, and I thought to myself:" Who walks around with one shoe and has weirds socks on in public? Very odd." I could barely take my eyes of her shoe and socks.
But I made it through the glass door and as I stepped outside, this feeling of warmth, peace, unconditional love came over me. I saw the most beautiful flowers, and the smells were very intense, but very pleasant. Everything seemed more intense. The colors and sounds. I immediately felt peaceful and calm. I felt like I never felt before.
I made my way towards the building and realized it was round structure. One side on land, the other side opening up to the water. As I arrived inside the building, I saw tables spread out with chairs and on one table particularly stood out. I saw my grandma and grandpa sitting at the table. And some mentally challenged young man was sitting with them. Both my grandparents died years before. So how could that be? I moved towards them, and my grandpa was very excited to see me. "Finally you made it! I am so happy you are here visiting." He said. I felt a bit confused. How could I see him? How could I see them all? They are no longer with us. Grandma was quiet, and not very outgoing. I took it and did not really worry about it. My grandpa still went on talking and I could sense his joy of reuniting with me. Then all of a sudden I got the thought:" Where am I?" and I got a very clean clear:" You are in Heaven." Immediately felt very emotional. Heaven? How? Did I die? What is happening? Then this mentally challenged person screamed:" Please don't take them from me! Please! They are are all I have." Me even more confused. Why would I take them back? And who are you? As I took a closer look at him, I saw that his nose was runny. And again, my immediate thought was:" Why is nobody cleaning up his nose? Why would they let him go out like that?" I was so confused, but on the same time felt very peaceful, warm and very safe. After a bit I decided to move towards the water and saw that in the water there where a handful of young kids. Maybe 7 years old. As I got closer they ran towards me, and one of them said:" Oh we are so happy you are visiting. Finally someone that is aware of their travels. I wish my parents could come and visit." Again, I felt so confused, but also very emotional, because I realized, these were kids that died, and for some reason I was able to connect with them in this Heaven.
After the kids ran back into the water, I woke up. As I woke up this feeling of sadness, and homesick came over me. A sense of missing this place, that felt so warm, peaceful and so so safe. It took me a bit to gather myself. And the first thing I ask quietly was:" Why did I had to come back?" and I got a very clear message:" First, you are way to judgmental. Who cares if someone wears one shoe, or has a runny nose? Is that really that important? Second, you have some work to do on Earth. People need you."
I took the message and felt so ashamed of my judgment. I didn't even realized, I judge those people. I made a pack with myself, right then and there to be easier on others.
Then I realized, my back pain was completely gone. Zero pain. From almost not able to move to absolutely being fine. But oh the homesickness to this place was so intense. So so intense. I did not wanted to be here on this Earth. I had zero interest in continuing life as I knew it. But again got the message:" Your spouse and kids still need you." And so I made peace with it and focused on what matters here. It took me a good week to accept, that I could not go to Heaven yet. It was hard, to go out into society and functions like everyone else. But with time it shifted and my homesickness to Heaven got less and less.
I feel comfortable to know, that I had this amazing experience and and could visit my Heaven beforehand. I cannot wait to visit again. Until then I promise to live life to the absolute fullest. With pure, honest intentions every day. You never know when it is your last.